Where, oh where, have all the Alpha Males gone?

On Sunday, we had a combined Relief Society and Elders Quorum meeting during third hour. The agenda included a question / answer section where we wrote questions on slips of paper for the Bishopric to answer. There were three questions about dating that were read (only three, I was shocked!):

1. Why is there so much pressure in the Singles Ward to date?
2. Why don’t boys ask girls out?
3. What can girls do to encourage boys to ask them out?

What ensued was a cross-gender discussion of things we all know and have all heard before. Pressure? We need to get married in order to go to the Celestial Kingdom, duh! What girls can do? Flirt (another duh!). Apparently the idea came across that the girls don’t try, don’t flirt, aren’t nice enough, etc, etc. However I know that a lot of that goes on – I watch it every week.

Now to answer the 2nd question: Why don’t boys ask girls out? Let me take a moment to step onto my soapbox.

The answers given were the usual nonsense: boys are scared, girls are intimidating, there is this pressure that if you ask a girl out she thinks you want to marry her, blah, blah, blah. But no matter what the excuse, it is simply that – an excuse. My question is, why would I even like a boy who is “afraid” to ask me out? This leads to my post title: Where have all the alpha males gone?

Now when you hear the term “Alpha Male” many conjure images of overbearing, dominating, creatins who treat women as dumb bimbo’s who can’t make a decision on their own. However, that is not the case. An alpha male in the animal world is the leader of the pack/family. He may at times be overbearing, but it is not done out of self-gratification, but out of a desire to protect his family. Now the interesting thing in the animal world is that an alpha male also has an alpha female. She is not weak or submissive. In fact, the alpha female is the 2nd in command and above all other males in the group, a leader in her own right. She is the female equivalent of the alpha, his equal. Do I dare use the term help mete? (Genesis 2:18) Yes, I do!

So, Ladies, why do we give excuses to men who are too weak for us? I have seen many men who are meek, shy, and humble, see a girl they like, pluck up the courage and ask her out and pursue her. They may not be an “alpha male” every moment of their lives, but they can don the role, if needed, and often will in order to get the girl they want.

Now this is when I hear the story (which one was told on Sunday) about a girl who asked a boy out, straying from social conventions, went after what she wanted and it worked out, they are happily married, have babies, blah, blah blah. Well the point is, for me, that isn’t what I want. I want a man who wants me. The kind of man who sees what he wants and goes after it. I think this is because I am a strong woman and I don’t want to be the dominate member of the relationship. I don’t want to lead all the time. I don’t want to convince someone to like me. I want that someone to see me as I am, like what he sees, and go after it. Where is my alpha male? Because it seems like so many of the men I know like to make excuses for not dating, when in fact they should just go after what they want.

So, I ask once again, why don’t boys ask girls out? Ladies, they are not interested in you. Move on. Find that alpha male who will ask you out and show you what a treasure you really are. He will see your strength and not be “intimidated” by it, but see it as a favorable trait. He will not make excuses and he won’t be afraid of you. He will be your equal and recognize those shared traits in you and rejoice in them!

I am now stepping off my soapbox. I apologize for the long post.